26th February 2012
Coldplay-In My Place.
Anyways its time for me to free my mind,and I really do not give a shit if you feel hurt by this or not.I have just reached my breaking point.Meaning that I have lost hope in almost everything.I know,everyone around me has realized that I am just not the same person anymore.I am always upset,and I feel bad cause no matter how hard they try to cheer me up,nothing works.Your friends tell you that "I am easy to get",well that is not true trust me.I have only truly been in love once,and everyone should know Chong by now right ? I am over it ,he is a majestic human being who has changed me and I thank him for that.And since then I have never even bothered to get into a relationship because it just wasn't worth the try anymore.Do you get what I mean ?Of course you don't,no one does.I have people watching over me constantly,people that nice of which I never knew had even existed.I am scared,I am tired and under prepared.I am lost.I am here giving you a warning sign please,stop trying to get me to be yours.All I am ever going to do is run away,that's all I ever do,I'm a fool.Everyone says I need help,well here I am,whole heartedly asking you for it.
Help me ?
"When you try your best but you don't succeed.When you get what you want but not what you need.
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep.Stuck in reverse.When the tears come streaming down your face.When you lose something you can't replace.When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home,And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you "
18th February 2012.
Paolo Nutini-Rewind.
Happy Birthday Nicholas C. !
Daikanyama.
Shots,way too many.
Thank you AddieLoh for always being there,always,you're such a sweetheart.Like you said,you're always going to be my fat best friend back when we were like 6 ? But truth be told,you're so much better than you credit yourself for.You're not like the others.And I love you oh so much,forever.My sister made a mess,but that was a rather fun sight might I say.Spent all my money on those children who were walking up and down the streets of Changkat selling flowers.They were upset that I didn't take those flowers,what does one expect me to do with flowers ? But that smile that they gave me,it was a moment of joy,like hey I am happy,a ray of hope.I did like someone,but as usual that feeling only lasted for 2 weeks and now its gone.I will get used to this eventually,I know.Can't wait to get my dreadlocks done next month or in April,paps has already agreed on taking me to get it done.Life is good,suddenly the air smells much greener.
040212
Vertical Horizon-Everything You Want.
You know,I am truly sick of people asking me why I'm still single.What's wrong with me being single ?
Here's the thing,why would I want to get into a relationship,when I know that I am not going to be giving it my all.I am just a broken person,and I am honestly wishing that someone would fix me already,like honestly I am emotionally damaged.Not only that,but I hate going out,I am like the human version of a sloth.I am bi-polar,serious anger management issues,my mood swings are something I will never be able to control.Lets see,I also hate texts and calls,I just don't have the patience for that shit,like to talk about my day and how I'm doing,I have my journal to help me out there.And getting each other gifts damn it,when a guy or to be much more specific,your boyfriend,gets you a gift,its almost like you're obliged to get him a gift too and I really do not have the time for that.Dear good lord,what has become out of me ? No clue.Yes,all I want is for me to be able to get my cuddle sessions and just chill at his place,and not do anything else,yes I do like someone,and once again I am restricting myself.Too afraid of taking one step further,there's always another wound to discover.The song that I am currently listening to is oh so perfect for the situation that I am currently facing.Or maybe even Coldplay's -Fix You.
When will I ever be fixed ? Or maybe there just is that someone out there,who doesn't give a crap just like I do.
If you have any intention on making me happy,play me a Beyonce song,any time.
I look up to her.Why ? She is like the male version of Boyd.
Because of her,I have named almost everything that I own after her alter ego personality,Sasha Fierce.
Yes,seriously.
280112
Hey loves,thank you for all the wishes and gifts.I appreciate it,really.Meeting Foster The People with Melissa for my birthday was truly pure joy,but it wasn't as good as getting lost in KL right after the concert with Trecia,you have no idea how grateful I am to be around a person with such warmth.Dinner with the old gang,Melissa,Vanessa,May Chen,Jerald,Matthew,Natasha and Balqis really made my day.Catching up on our old stories.How much things have changed over a period of one year.Then head over to have my drinking session with Eng Hoe,Addie Loh and Putra.Now for those of you guys who don't know,well I known these boys for 13 years now.Yes whoah,I felt so loved.Addie really understands me,I mean well he gives really bad advice,but I am blaming that on the beer.But hey thank you everyone.You know I love you.
When december draws to a close the words ‘I can’t believe how quickly this year has gone’ are uttered by most of us. More often than not this statement is infused with a sense of regret, a year let slip by. Alas I couldn’t have been happier to see the end of 2011. To see old friends and gain many new ones. To have also reached and passed any goals that I had set down.
To also thank all those who have assisted me, inspired me and helped me to reach my goals in the last year, I won’t write a list, you know who you are.It’s been an amazing ride so far and I couldn’t be more excited for the year ahead. There are some big things planned and I promise I will be focusing my energies more than ever before.
Once again, a humble and gracious thank you to every single one of you.
LATELY
More important
than breakfast
is waking up next to someone
and having them gently touch your face
without you even asking.
Love & Stay Fierce
xx
